{"id":121,"date":"2021-03-03T14:31:00","date_gmt":"2021-03-03T14:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/?p=121"},"modified":"2021-03-03T14:31:00","modified_gmt":"2021-03-03T14:31:00","slug":"feeling-bad-and-feeling-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/?p=121","title":{"rendered":"Feeling bad and feeling better"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>When I was younger, and even in &#8220;depression denial&#8221;, I used to think that if you were feeling low and down it would be an easy fix to be &#8220;normal&#8221; again. Even now, I sometimes plead with myself to be the person I <em>used<\/em> to be. To be able to <strong>cope<\/strong>. To be able to pick myself up off the ground. To be <strong>free<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ve fallen back into a depressive state &#8211; a relapse if you will. I&#8217;ve been managing my mood and triggers for a while successfully now, but somewhere out of the blue with no apparent cause I&#8217;m back to the familiar haunts of depression. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought it would be different this time and I&#8217;d be able to shake it off, but it&#8217;s caught me in its grips and I cannot help but feel a <strong>failure<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I know that&#8217;s ridiculous, and therapy tells me the same &#8211; albeit in a not so judgemental way of &#8220;it&#8217;s okay&#8221;.  But still, I&#8217;m infuriated that I can&#8217;t seem to be in control of my <strong>own<\/strong> mind or emotions. And yet if I were listening to someone else berate themselves for sliding back into depression, I would tell them to ride the waves and acknowledge the way that they&#8217;re feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As always, your own advice is a bitter pill to swallow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And so although the irritation over lack of control is there, I&#8217;m trying to be a bit kinder to myself. If this is how I&#8217;m feeling, what compassion can I give to support myself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Recovery takes time. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I was younger, and even in &#8220;depression denial&#8221;, I used to think that if you were feeling low and down it would be an easy fix to be &#8220;normal&#8221; again. Even now, I sometimes plead with myself to be the person I used to be. To be able to cope. To be able to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18],"tags":[21,54,4,16,20],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/121"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=121"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/121\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":122,"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/121\/revisions\/122"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=121"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=121"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/faithoftheheart.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=121"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}