Without meaning to be repetitive, this year has been long. A year full of shattered hopes and dreams, a year of yearning for times of old, a year of, well, nothing.
And all that is fine really – of course it is, you can turn it into a positive. It’s been a time for reflection; of realising what and who is important to you in life. Of realising what it is that really makes you happy, of slowing down, of being still, and so on and so on.
But the problem for me has been, and I’d say for many alike too, is that I feel like I’ve lost my head. I don’t know what I think or feel anymore – I’m not numb in the sense that “I feel nothing”. More, I’m not sure where I lie anymore. What I really think. Where I’m going or what I’m doing.
And I’m probably being dramatic in the sense that I have too much time on my hands, and therefore everything is dramatised and elongated. But I truly feel like I’ve become braindead and incapable to think of anything.
The craving for a sense of normality is strong, but then I wonder – what is ‘normal’ anyway? Do I really want to go back to a full week of office life, of commuting, of feeling like I have to utilise every living moment to be ‘productive’?
I’m really just not sure anymore. And I think that’s okay, because in my tendency towards blind faith, I’ll figure it out one day.