brainfog – Faith of the Heart

Inaccessible thoughts and the insufferable heat

At risk of a repetition of last week, my gosh this week has been hard. A real slog. And not for any particular reason, although I think the extreme heat hasn’t helped. I’ve really struggled to connect to my mind. That sounds absolutely insane – and not a thing – but let me explain.

I always have a million and one thoughts whizzing through my mind – a trait I know a lot of people endure. But this last week it’s like I’ve not been able to isolate or process any or all of my thoughts. It’s almost asif there’s an invisible wall or some other obstruction that is preventing me from accessing my mind.

It’s frustrating because I feel dumb. I can’t articulate myself; my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions. I suffer a lot with what I call “word salad”, where my mind often processes things faster than I’m able to speak and my words can sometimes get jumbled up. I take a deep breathe, think for a second, and then start again. It’s a simple solution and common advice – slow down.

Word salad aside, this feels like something different (and extreme) altogether – have I literally lost my mind?

I think the obvious answer is a resounding no – I’m still functioning. I can still speak, eat, walk, think (well I’m still having vivid dreams so clearly my brain is working), etc.

In true detective style, I feel like this is a case of needing some rest. Some RnR. Quiet, calm restfulness. A mythical concept I find so difficult yet understand the benefits all too well.

Here’s hoping that with some downtime I can be connected once again.

The haze, the fog, and everything in between

My working week started how my weekend ended – in a haze of nothingness and brain fog. I’ve struggled all this last week with concentration – even with basic tasks such as opening my emails and within a matter of seconds forgetting who I was emailing and what on earth for. Racking my brains (or lack thereof) to try and remember what I was supposed to be doing at any given time.

To say it’s been a difficult week is an understatement. It’s been frustrating, in the sense that generally I like to be productive. I guess I feel a sort of sense of achievement for having been productive and having tangible outputs. Almost pride like – yes there are struggles, but on the whole I am functional and will not be typecast under a narrow minded and archaic definition.

Still, it frustrates me nonetheless. I like to do. I don’t like to sit still – body or mind. And the latter is probably where I don’t help myself or give myself enough of a break.

But this week, I’m almost embraced the haziness and concentration struggles. I’ve been patient and gentle with myself. Instead of berating myself for not remember what I was doing, or meant to be doing, I’ve allowed myself to go through the motions – and emotions – to recognise it for what it is. A moment. An insignificant moment in my life. Literally and metaphorically. It doesn’t really matter if I forget things, or have moments (or weeks) of fogginess, because those moments do pass. They are not defining.

Be kind to yourself, you’re doing the best you can.